Alone, Attitude and Anything else?...

I never really have friends since I was a kid. I wouldn't blame them since I stayed really far from school and I don't have much freedom when I was a kid. That was pimary in secondary I found friends but only a few of them. The only very best buddy was still my best friend where she undestands me and I understand her.

Now in uni, it is hard to make new friends in a new environment. I don't really conform to others when socializing its just that after 2 semesters they started to ignore me leaving me alone while they move in packs. I'm sick of the "pack" thing, groups of two, four, six... ... Yes, maybe sometimes i make it clear i wanna be alone but sometimes the loneliness is just unbearable.

Other than that, they only seek for my help when it comes to academics. I don't mind helping them just that it make me feel like i'm just a life line when theres trouble. Yes, its fun helping people and i'm happy and grateful that i can be of assisstant but i hate people taking advantage of me. They shunt me out almost all the time and when they need something... well, you get the picture.

I need friends, i need someone to cling on, I need somebody to listen to my secrets and desires like anybody else ... I am not a machine!! like they think i am(they call me processor btw)Though i like being alone its sometimes is too overwhelming for my system and i feel like i'm suffocating.

A few days ago a friend of mine told me the reason behind why my ex-best-friend didn't hang out with me anymore. Apparently, my ex-bud actually told her that she has a prob with my attitude or the way i talked... She said, i need to change, so that i can have friends again. Though we spoke through msn, i am hurt deeply by that remark.

It hurts when the truth turns into an icy cold spear, it hurts when someone u hang out with for the whole semester suddenly stop speaking to you, it hurts when u try to reach only to be receive with less warmth than you hope for.... I 've tried to change everything. When i try to reveal my true self people tend to turn away...

Maybe there is something wrong with me.... maybe its more than that i dunno... sometimes i don't know what i did wrong maybe its just my whole set...I... really feel like i'm worthless and empty inside... just like scraps of flesh and knowledge residue...

Is it normal to be alone? is it normal to be disliked?is it still normal that even if u've changed, people still don't really care? is it me or did the world just got colder... ...?

Creativity more important than Language?!!

Today while discussing our assignment, one of my group members worried that the outcome would not be good. She was worried about the grammar errors or that sort of mistakes that we may make. So, trying to convince her, I said that with me on the team we can put that part of her worries aside(since my language skills is the best in the group) but another member ( we will call Miss D to protect her identity)said one sentence that kinda hurt my feelings as a would be English student...

She said:"Creativity is the most important factor, language is not THAT important. Without creativity, even your language is good also no use." I was shocked so I said ,"Ouch it hurts man!" meaning her comment is somewhat rude. But she didnt get the hint and continue on," But its true what, creativity is MORE important than language..."

As I listen to her point I couldnt help but wonder is her point of view true? After all the world now really depends on one's creativity skills... but then with my honor as a future english degree holder, I couldn't help but feel a little bit angry with her comment.If creativity is THAT important why don't designers just sell their design without talking just SHOW would be enough, all the dilly-dally of talking and selling and persuading with LANGUAGE is not important at all? Why don't a company promote their product just by showing the product without doing a proposal and advertising? Yes, maybe she was talking about grammar wise or something else about language we use but its just... I dunno... not logic....

Language is the most important part of our lives and when you master a kind of language for example English, that skill alone can take you all over the world! I disagree about that point of hers but I stopped myself from saying anything since it may lead to an arguement with my hot temper and all... and also due to the fact that my friend told me the reason why my old-best-friend ignored me(reason=my attitude+the way I talk+I'm moody)

I'm not that kind of person that likes to socialize but I really try not to butt into other people's business and tried very hard to go with the flow... but it seems that there is always something missing, something that is not enough!!

Anyway, since life is hard as it is I try not to care about the negative things ... ... see you guys later!^^

Forgive n Forget

Today something important and meaningful happened in our lecture class... an individual posted some crude comments about our lecturer in his blog, his use of crude language and foul comments really hurt our lecturer... She expressed her feelings before the class, it was depressing to see her like that but by the end of the that individual apologized and his mistake was forgived and forgotten. Still I don't think he should do that, even though proving a point and expressing your feelings in your blog is not wrong but his way of saying it was so harsh it was hurtful and unforgiving. Yes, our lecturer's english is not first class but she has a lot of info or rather "filling " of knowledge on the subject, she can relate boring facts with everyday life situations, that is what we should learn from her... but this bastard(forgive my use of the word) acted as though his use of the english language is the best in the world!!

It is our lecturer who is so kind and composed that she can forgive him for his comments, if it was me I don't think I can be that kind and forgiving. Still... ... if we think about it in more detail, it somehow proves that Sigmund Freud was right about his psychoanalytic theory of the 5 stages of development. Maybe he is unsatisfied during his Oral stage(0-2 years old)...
haha(laughing) it means that maybe he didn't get enough of sucking...or breast feeding...this behavior though, can result into many actions in gratifying his oral needs, like sucking candy,chewing gum, biting pencils... ... and making biting , sarcastic remarks!!

If we think of it this way, it is more easy to understand his behavior and its more easy to forgive him...Well, miss really thaught us and important lesson in forgiving and forgetting. I would remember this incident though, so that I would not offend anyone in the future... ^^

Hi guys, its my first blog post!! yay for me!!
ok im exaggerating its not that important for someone to have her own blog
anyhow, if u read this ... thank for reading
& i'll try to post more things up here ...
Thanks again for reading this :)